And from behind him, the pale-blue, star-crowded
sky shone upon his head, through the window that looked upwards
only.
Mrs. Falconer saw that he still went away as he had been wont, and
instituted observations, the result of which was the knowledge that
he went to his own room. Her heart smote her, and she saw that the
boy looked sad and troubled. There was scarce room in her heart for
increase of love, but much for increase of kindness, and she did
increase it. In truth, he needed the smallest crumb of comfort that
might drop from the table of God's 'feastful friends.'
Night after night he returned to the parlour cold to the very heart.
God was not to be found, he said then. He said afterwards that
even then 'God was with him though he knew it not.'
For the very first night, the moment that he knelt and cried, 'O
Father in heaven, hear me, and let thy face shine upon me'--like a
flash of burning fire the words shot from the door of his heart: 'I
dinna care for him to love me, gin he doesna love ilka body;' and no
more prayer went from the desolate boy that night, although he knelt
an hour of agony in the freezing dark. Loyal to what he had been
taught, he struggled hard to reduce his rebellious will to what he
supposed to be the will of God. It was all in vain. Ever a voice
within him--surely the voice of that God who he thought was not
hearing--told him that what he wanted was the love belonging to his
human nature, his human needs--not the preference of a
court-favourite.
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