But it was
easy to believe that He could look down and see me, and that He
knew all about me. We were taught very early to say "Thou, God,
seest me"; and it was one of my favorite texts. Heaven seemed
nearer, because somebody I loved was up there looking at me. A
baby is not afraid of its father's eyes.
The first real unhappiness I remember to have felt was when some
one told me, one day, that I did not love God. I insisted, almost
tearfully, that I did; but I was told that if I did truly love
Him I should always be good. I knew I was not that, and the
feeling of sudden orphanage came over me like a bewildering
cloud. Yet I was sure that I loved my father and mother, even
when I was naughty, Was He harder to please than they?
Then I heard of a dreadful dark Somewhere, the horror of which
was that it was away from Him. What if I should wake some
morning, and find myself there? Sometimes I did not dare to go to
sleep for that dread. And the thought was too awful to speak of
to anybody.
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