"But the climax of my confusion was reached when, folded in his
warm embrace, and giddy with the whirl, a strange, sweet thrill
would shake me from head to foot, leaving me weak and almost
powerless, and really obliged to depend for support on the arm
which encircled me. If my partner failed, from ignorance, lack of
skill or innocence, to arouse these, to me, most pleasureable
sensations, I did not dance with him the second time.
"I am speaking openly and frankly, and when I say that I did not
understand what I felt, or what were the real and greatest
pleasures I derived from this so-called dancing, I expect to be
believed. But if my cheeks grew red with uncomprehended pleasure
then, they grow pale to-day with shame when I think of it all. It
was the physical emotions engendered by the magnetic contact of
strong men that I was enamored of--not of the dance, not even of
the men themselves.
"Thus I became abnormally developed in my lowest nature. I grew
bolder, and from being able to return shy glances at first, was
soon able to meet more daring ones, until the waltz became to me
and whomsoever danced with me, one lingering, sweet and purely
sensual pleasure, where heart beat against heart, hand was held in
hand and eyes looked burning words which lips dared not speak.
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