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Lawson, Alfred, 1869-1954

"Born Again"

Then my head became full of
holes, and finally I fancied that I possessed a half dozen heads and all
of them were cut and bleeding. And then apparently all of these heads
were suddenly and mysteriously severed from my body, and floated away in
space like a lot of toy balloons. Following that, it felt as if every
bone in my body had been broken, and I was taking these bones from their
places and trying to repair them. Then I imagined that I had several
different bodies, and all of them were bruised and mangled. These forms
increased in numbers until I could see nothing else but them, and they
appeared to be struggling to extricate themselves from beneath a huge
object which seemed to grow in size until it was as large as a mountain.
Finally released, they began climbing up the mountain until the summit
was reached and then gradually decreased until there was but one left.
"What is the matter with me?" I wondered. "Who am I, what am I, and
where do I belong?" I tried to think coherently, but my mind was feeble
and incapable of grasping an intelligent thought. Day and night went and
came many times, but still I remained on that mountain wondering,
wondering, wondering. Sometimes I would expand until I felt larger than
the mountain itself; then again I would shrink to the size of a flea.
One time I would feel as if I were up near the North Pole, surrounded by
ice and freezing to death. At another time I would imagine that I was in
the middle of the Sahara Desert, being roasted alive by the scorching
rays of the sun.


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